Skyrim Golden Moments

It's been a long time coming. I can't believe it took me almost a month to actually post anything about Skyrim. It has sucked my soul hard enough, you see.

So before I change my mind and go back to playing Skyrim, let me post some screenshots.

First: this thing with size. 

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT PIE!

I was looking at the pie the whole time.

Woah Susanna!

Would you like to Talk to Susanna's boobs?

Second: this thing with horses.

Ladies, meet Spider Horse.

Don't you just love the jump/mountain scaling glitch?

Woah, hello!

I've always wondered what happens to you and your companion when you "fast travel." Like, did you and your companion fight? Did your horse throw you off? When you fast travel you just get to see what happens after. This is one of those moments. I was greeted by Shadowmere's magnificent ass. Make of that what you will.

Third: what wonderful ways to die.

You never forget your first decapitating blow

The first real challenge I faced in the game were the Glenmoril Witches. I was still super green and their destruction spells SLAY me. When this happened, you can bet your ass I pumped my fists in the air yelling YEAH! YEAH! BITCH!

oh god oh god oh god

When I'm slaying a dragon, my full focus is on the legendary beast. I had no idea this woman was around. So when the dust cleared, I saw her dead. I got the key to her house without breaking the law. Everyone wins.

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, can't prove anything.

Look at this piece of work. I don't even know how she was able to use her right hand to strike her long sword through her own RIGHT shoulder. Talent!

Who wants to Search Margaret?

This happened in Markarth. When that dude creeped up behind her and suddenly stabbed her in broad daylight. Hm, I'm thinking of writing a separate post for that because that was pretty emotional for me. If you're wondering why she's naked in this photo, well... I guess someone took all of her stuff after she's dead.

Lastly... my most important kill:

A dagger and a sword, because I lack finesse.

This is actually pretty sad. You'd think that a person of such high esteem and importance will die a little bit more elegantly. Don't blame me, he posed like that right after I stuck my dagger and blade in his throat.

Posted in: dying in skyrim,game stuff,glenmoril witches,GOTY,horses,screenshots,shadowmere,Skyrim,soul sucker,susanna the wicked